That was quite a run we had there at #1. Gotta say, I'm very impressed with the timing, because the only game we won with that rank in the last 20+ years just happened to be on my birthday. I guess it turned out to be an even better present than I suspected. I'm getting Saturday's loss out of the way in one sentence though...just like ripping off a bandaid right? Louisvilleplayedperfectbasketballwithaveryemotionalfanbaseinthelastgameeverattheirhomearenaandtheresnowayanyoneinthecountrycould'vebeatenthemthewaytheywereplaying.
OW. That was a bit painful. Probably less painful than it is to read.
Well I don't really know where to go from here. I usually have at least 4 or 5 paragraphs to rave and rant about Kris Joseph and how awesome Syracuse is at pretty much everything...but we even lost at lacrosse this week! Well, there's something I've always wanted to try. You know those songs that college kids love? Yeah, the ones that pretty much all sound the same and have to do with irresponsible behavior unbecoming of a role model. I am going to translate the refrains of a few of those songs just for kicks. See if you can figure out what's what. And bear with me if it sucks.
First things first, let's try a really easy one.
Would any bystander care to dial the authorities?
A lady is spontaneously combusting...
I'm going to douse her with some water
Otherwise I fear that the structural integrity of this establishment is going to fail
Got it? Ok let's see what else I can find.
The type of rhythms and steps she is employing is overwhelming to me
I stop the task at which I am currently occupied to approach her
I search my mind for some prose to accurately compose a verbal portrait of her
Without calling her a prostitute (but I will anyway)
One more hippity hop song.
Don't give in to your natural impulses
Get just enough for yourself from that thing over there
A couple of big plants that are related
Wish that they had some ghosts living in them
Well, that was disappointing. I have to say I was expecting more from that section, weren't you? By this time, I'm really just stalling and trying to put a decent length post out there. Ok, idea. I apologize for taking the easy way out this week, but it's really not been one for me to write home about. So I will give you this valuable chance to take a look into my writing past and see the piece of writing that was a forerunner to this very blog. It was written in the summer of 2006, I believe, so some of the humor may be, shall we say, dated. But, I must pay homage to my roots...high school me. So enjoy.
__________________________________________________________
If you have been at home during the day at anytime, without anything better to do except maybe find a large building to jump off of, you have probably watched a game show. Right now, I’m going to concentrate on the fiercest offender of my right to no cruel and unusual punishments: the Price is Right. Bob Barker is old, gray, and somehow attractive to every single woman that comes to play. Without fail, he will receive at least 5 kisses on every show. I have no idea how he does this. He’s like 90, but is the second biggest womanizer I have ever seen (the first, of course, being Donald Trump). At the end of every show, he tells his audience to help control the pet population by having your pets spayed or neutered. I think Bob should consider that for himself, to help control the human population. Another sure thing on this program is that a 70-year-old woman will win either a pair of guitars or a pickup truck. This is a very scary thought. How many people on this show win 2 ton hunks of dangerous metal who don’t actually have valid driver’s licenses I hope to never find out. I wonder also how many people win trips to places they already live.
Bob Barker-“Mr. Kineke, you’ve just won a 6 night stay in the Clifton Park Best Western!”
Me-“Umm Bob? I live just down the street from there.”
Bob Barker-“Oh. Well, I suppose I can substitute this fake plastic vomit instead, as it holds about the same value.”
Other game shows not only have incompetent hosts, but contestants as well. Family Feud has 10 contestants from 2 families facing off. 8 of these people were probably eating paint chips as children. This was an actual answer given by a player.
Host-“Ok. We’re looking for the top 5 answers here. What is a city with a song named after it?”
Contestant-“Texas
And to make sure they don’t stick a shotgun in their mouth when they hear the “Stupid Answer” buzzer, everyone says “Good answer!” over and over again. I cannot stand those horrible common last name families. The Browns. The Smiths. The Johnsons. Sometimes, they go crazy and pick an exotic sounding one. The O’Briens. The Changs.
Another game show with astonishingly stupid contestants is Who Wants to be a Millionaire? A woman had to ask the audience what month the Super Bowl was in (before the dumb NFL people bumped it to February). People consistently walk away with $1,000 and sometimes even $0. This shocks me. In the good old days with Regis Philbin when at least one or two every month would win $1,000,000. I miss hearing Regis say, “Is that your final answer?” after a question like:
Which one of these is a number?
A) 6.5
B) Please send me home now
C) Tomato juice
D) Regis’s tie is distracting.
Right now, I believe I hear you saying: “But Tim, you do well on a game show in front of a national audience.” I say: “Possibly you are correct.” But, you don’t hear me saying that Texas is a city. Because it’s not.
__________________________________________________________
That's just a small sample of the piece I'm referring to. I'll save the rest for days when I have nothing to write about. Like today. Hope you enjoyed today's post, I sure did...except for the part where I let every single one of my readers down. But just like Syracuse basketball, you win some, you lose some.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
omg we r #1!
This post is going to cover a lot. Of basketball. And a little birthday. And some snow. And basketball. I will warn the faint of heart that there is a lot of sportstalk in this one, but then again, SYRACUSE BASKETBALL IS NUMBER ONE IN THE COUNTRY. That felt really good to type. So here's where it starts. Saturday. Because as far as I'm concerned, it was such a wonderful day that everything before it kind of got wiped clean.
Just kidding. It actually started late Friday night. I somehow got it in my head that staying up as late as humanly possible was the best way to prep for a day in which I would be standing for about 12 hours. Smart, right? So I went to a friend's room in a dorm near the Dome and we hung out for a while. And as a harbinger of Syracuse's athletic excellence, what would be on ESPNU at 2 in the morning but a rerun of Cuse's comeback win in last year's national championship game that was nothing short of miraculous. Go here for the synopsis. It's awesome, don't worry. Unless you go to Cornell.
So after some excitement and whatnot, we bedded down for the night around 4. 2 hours is enough to sleep right? Well, I ended up getting about 20 minutes worth. But that's all I need. Wake up at 6:20 AM, get ready, go to the Dome around 7. We get a good spot in line, so there we stand. At 7:45, the security people came through the line and kindly (not really) informed us that backpacks would not be allowed inside. He gave us some options.
8:00 comes and goes. We are not let in. My heroic Sprint for Justice and ESPN College Gameday is wasted. Turns out that the security at the Dome hated kids (at least for Saturday) and we don't get in until 9:30. Once we're in, we get our seats and I find my MIA brother and we rejoin the group. Gameday was a lot of fun, but there were two things wrong with it. First was the lack of creativity on them telling us what to do.
"Guys, we're taping a 30 second promo to air during SportsCenter. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, we're going live on SportsCenter. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, Gameday is on now. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, Jay Bilas remembered to get dressed this morning. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
Second, there was a bit of visual miscommunication between my brother and me and the majority of the structure in which we were temporarily housed. To put it bluntly, this was our view:
That orange hat belongs to the jerk with the gigantic Brandon Triche head. Not a great view to say the least.
After Gameday the Carrier Dome thought it would be cool to, you know, not let us stay in after they already let us in. So we got kicked out. Into the snow. And rain. For another 6 hours. Not cool. The thing that got us through the day was the fact that there was no shortage of people willing to bring us food. I don't put names in here, remember, so bear with me. I'd like to thank the first couple people who brought us Varsity pizza, the second couple people (including my big) who stole enough food from the dining hall to feed an army, and my roommate who brought us some Domino's pizza. On behalf of my entire group, I'd like to thank you all very very very much. Other than the food, some other highlights of the looooong wait to get in included (another list of stuff!):
Tip-off finally at 9. We promptly take control and decide to not miss any shots ever. We cruise to a 46-36 halftime lead, score 75 points for free tacos on an Arinze Onuaku freethrow of all things. The outcome was never in doubt. Of our players who played, here were our point totals: Rick Jackson 19, Arinze Onuaku 17, Kris Joseph 16, Scoop Jardine 16, Wes Johnson 14, Andy Rautins 12. Oh, and Brandon Triche 1. Apparently our freshman point guard was who Nova thought was the lynchpin of our offense. Well, they stopped him pretty well. But putting 5 defenders on one guy leaves a few other people open.
What did Kris Joseph do, you ask? Well, he scored 16, we covered that already. He slashed, he dashed, he made amazing plays all over the place. And. He made a 3. Most I've ever yelled in my life when that happened. Also, Kris did a little of this too:
That was the back page of the DO (basically) which ended up on the greatest birthday card ever a few days later. But we're getting to that.
Birthday time. It all started the day before my birthday...I guess that's a trend this week, things starting a day before they actually start. Well, I was minding my own business making this sign for the basketball game on Tuesday:
My roommate tells me to come out into the common room for a second. And apparently I'm so unobservant that about 15 people can sneak into my room without me looking up or hearing anything. Touche. It was at this shindig that I received said birthday card from one of my best friends. It was an auspicious start to the day.
Lunchtime on my birthday is when things started heating up. Like my friend's oven. To make chicken nuggets. Oh yeah. Chicken nuggets. Eating chicken nuggets + watching How I Met Your Mother = awesome. Multiply that by 2 for the amount of awesome people I was hanging out with and you get 2awesome. After a couple uneventful classes, I went to go over to the Dome to wait to get great seats for the game with my brother and my main man. We get in, and we get the idea (from my main man, you know who you are) that we should wait by the tunnel and get some autographs when the players walk out for warmups. Well, in short, it paid off. I now am the proud owner of a hat signed by Andy Rautins, Wes Johnson, and Arinze Onuaku. Even better, my #32 shirt got signed by KJ 3-2 himself! And even better better, I have my brother to thank for both his camera wielding skills and candor. On my camera's absolute last gasp of batteries he said "Hey Kris it's my brother's birthday, can you take a picture with him?" And this is the result, if you hadn't seen it on Facebook already:
Best. Birthday. Ever. Best. Week. Ever.
Just kidding. It actually started late Friday night. I somehow got it in my head that staying up as late as humanly possible was the best way to prep for a day in which I would be standing for about 12 hours. Smart, right? So I went to a friend's room in a dorm near the Dome and we hung out for a while. And as a harbinger of Syracuse's athletic excellence, what would be on ESPNU at 2 in the morning but a rerun of Cuse's comeback win in last year's national championship game that was nothing short of miraculous. Go here for the synopsis. It's awesome, don't worry. Unless you go to Cornell.
So after some excitement and whatnot, we bedded down for the night around 4. 2 hours is enough to sleep right? Well, I ended up getting about 20 minutes worth. But that's all I need. Wake up at 6:20 AM, get ready, go to the Dome around 7. We get a good spot in line, so there we stand. At 7:45, the security people came through the line and kindly (not really) informed us that backpacks would not be allowed inside. He gave us some options.
- Put them in someone's room
- Hide them
- Throw them on the roof of the Dome and climb up for them after the game
8:00 comes and goes. We are not let in. My heroic Sprint for Justice and ESPN College Gameday is wasted. Turns out that the security at the Dome hated kids (at least for Saturday) and we don't get in until 9:30. Once we're in, we get our seats and I find my MIA brother and we rejoin the group. Gameday was a lot of fun, but there were two things wrong with it. First was the lack of creativity on them telling us what to do.
"Guys, we're taping a 30 second promo to air during SportsCenter. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, we're going live on SportsCenter. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, Gameday is on now. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
"Guys, Jay Bilas remembered to get dressed this morning. We're gonna need you to go crazy!"
Second, there was a bit of visual miscommunication between my brother and me and the majority of the structure in which we were temporarily housed. To put it bluntly, this was our view:
That orange hat belongs to the jerk with the gigantic Brandon Triche head. Not a great view to say the least.
After Gameday the Carrier Dome thought it would be cool to, you know, not let us stay in after they already let us in. So we got kicked out. Into the snow. And rain. For another 6 hours. Not cool. The thing that got us through the day was the fact that there was no shortage of people willing to bring us food. I don't put names in here, remember, so bear with me. I'd like to thank the first couple people who brought us Varsity pizza, the second couple people (including my big) who stole enough food from the dining hall to feed an army, and my roommate who brought us some Domino's pizza. On behalf of my entire group, I'd like to thank you all very very very much. Other than the food, some other highlights of the looooong wait to get in included (another list of stuff!):
- My ongoing feud with the friggin' event staff guy with the friggin' mustache
- An ongoing and heated debate of whether or not Crocs footwear is edible
- My trip to a sink to boil my hands to regain feeling in them
- People getting tossed out of line for cutting
- Thoughtful and desperate prayer that we didn't lose to Nova and negate all of our hard work in turning into human ice sculptures
Tip-off finally at 9. We promptly take control and decide to not miss any shots ever. We cruise to a 46-36 halftime lead, score 75 points for free tacos on an Arinze Onuaku freethrow of all things. The outcome was never in doubt. Of our players who played, here were our point totals: Rick Jackson 19, Arinze Onuaku 17, Kris Joseph 16, Scoop Jardine 16, Wes Johnson 14, Andy Rautins 12. Oh, and Brandon Triche 1. Apparently our freshman point guard was who Nova thought was the lynchpin of our offense. Well, they stopped him pretty well. But putting 5 defenders on one guy leaves a few other people open.
What did Kris Joseph do, you ask? Well, he scored 16, we covered that already. He slashed, he dashed, he made amazing plays all over the place. And. He made a 3. Most I've ever yelled in my life when that happened. Also, Kris did a little of this too:
That was the back page of the DO (basically) which ended up on the greatest birthday card ever a few days later. But we're getting to that.
Birthday time. It all started the day before my birthday...I guess that's a trend this week, things starting a day before they actually start. Well, I was minding my own business making this sign for the basketball game on Tuesday:
My roommate tells me to come out into the common room for a second. And apparently I'm so unobservant that about 15 people can sneak into my room without me looking up or hearing anything. Touche. It was at this shindig that I received said birthday card from one of my best friends. It was an auspicious start to the day.
Lunchtime on my birthday is when things started heating up. Like my friend's oven. To make chicken nuggets. Oh yeah. Chicken nuggets. Eating chicken nuggets + watching How I Met Your Mother = awesome. Multiply that by 2 for the amount of awesome people I was hanging out with and you get 2awesome. After a couple uneventful classes, I went to go over to the Dome to wait to get great seats for the game with my brother and my main man. We get in, and we get the idea (from my main man, you know who you are) that we should wait by the tunnel and get some autographs when the players walk out for warmups. Well, in short, it paid off. I now am the proud owner of a hat signed by Andy Rautins, Wes Johnson, and Arinze Onuaku. Even better, my #32 shirt got signed by KJ 3-2 himself! And even better better, I have my brother to thank for both his camera wielding skills and candor. On my camera's absolute last gasp of batteries he said "Hey Kris it's my brother's birthday, can you take a picture with him?" And this is the result, if you hadn't seen it on Facebook already:
Best. Birthday. Ever. Best. Week. Ever.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Unemployment? More Like Funemployment!
Fresh off a statement win for the Syracuse basketball program...well not really a statement win, more like us beating up on a not so good team. That's not even close to maybe approaching an almost grammatically correct sentence. Oh well, grammar is for people who go to schools that can't play sports. Like Providence. And people in grammar class. Like me. Ask me what the difference between a dependent clause and an independent clause is. Just try me, I'm begging you. Seriously, otherwise I have no use for this knowledge.
I'm going to get the basketball out of the way while it's fresh in my mind. Providence invoked the "Nobody Misses 35-foot 3-Pointers Against Syracuse" Rule repeatedly in the first half. Those guys really could not miss. However, Syracuse kind of couldn't either. Despite them making 10 3's in the first half from a combined distance of about 3 miles away, we were only down 5 at the half. Providence would've been beating the Boston Celtics the way they were playing. Scary good. Come the second half, though, things changed. After they made one more shot from out of state. Wait, they played in Rhode Island, so the entire state is contained in the halfcourt of the Providence basketball arena. Haha because Rhode Island is wicked small, right? Whatever, the point is that Cuse went on a couple of gigundo runs to take control. Rick Jackson was doing this (with his eyes closed, mind you):
And Andy Rautins was doing this (admittedly this wasn't a picture from tonight's game but you get the picture ;) ):
And Jim Boeheim was doing this:
I would like to take a moment to point out a certain pensive young gentleman dressed all in orange in the background who had a workman-like 7 point, 8 rebound night. Just sayin'. I used these pictures because they describe things so much better than I can. And since a picture says a thousand words, this is by far my longest blog. Thanks for sticking around despite my long windedness.
Because, speaking of that young man in the above picture, he was involved in another contest of athleticism on Thursday. Against those guys we really don't like too much. Whose mascot is a made up word. Or, after checking dictionary.com, it may be a word after all. Check this out.
hoy·a
Solid. Well, we built up a 60-37 lead over the Georgetown Waxy Flowers at one point in the second half. Then we decided to make the game really really exciting (which turned out great, let me tell you). So the Waxy Flowers went on a 33-11 run to get within 71-70 after Syracuse took about 10 minutes to go get coffee or something. Syracuse gets the ball with about 40 or so seconds left. They need a score to help put the game out of reach. Wes Johnson is on the floor. Who gets the ball with a monumentally important game on the line? That's right. It had to come up eventually in this post. Mah boy. Kris "TGBPWHEOWEL" Joseph. Crossover. Drive. Layup. Game over.
On a slightly less sports-like note, there has finally been someone who sees the glass as half-full. This awful period for the economy has been but one positive opinion away from being just "A break from that whole 'making money' nonsense." Well, finally somebody sees the light. In this man's eyes, the stock market is just resting. The housing market is planning its homecoming parade. Unemployment is the best thing that could happen to a person. Who is this mystery man? The chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, surely. If not that, a leading economist with the government's ear must be making these claims. Guess again. The savior of public opinion, the master of all things economic, is football coach Andy Reid. Upon releasing running back Brian Westbrook, he said the following:
"We're giving him the opportunity...to maximize his ability to go and get another job."
Just think about that for a second. Done? Ok. This is hands down one of the stupidest things that I have ever heard in my entire life. So Andy is doing Westbrook this huge favor. Westbrook really really wanted to get a job in addition to the whole starting for the Philadelphia Eagles thing, and now thanks to the Eagles he won't have so many pesky practices and games in the way when trying to work out his new work schedule at the 7-11. Couldn't have done it without you Andy Reid!
For those of you who know me, prepare to get to know me better. For those of you who don't, prepare to get weirded out. So I have some unfortunate habits when I sleep. You name it, I do it. In the past I have sleepwalked, snored up something fierce, ground my teeth, drooled enough saliva to float a battleship, slept with my eyes open, and, most frequently, sleeptalked. I have had conversations with my brother when he comes into the room after I have fallen asleep. I refer to actual events that will take place in ways that make absolutely no sense. Here is the one pre-college quote I can recall.
"Me and [my brother] are working together so all you people on the right better watch out!"
This was the day before my first day on the job at a snack bar with my brother. Now that I'm at college, I have an awesome roommate who seems to never ever go to sleep. So he has taken it upon himself to record my sleeptalks. Not counting all of the times he has either forgotten what I said or misplaced his post-it notes, I have a line of 7 notes of mini-conversations I have had while asleep or pretty much 99% unconscious. I'll just give some highlights, a lot of them are pretty dumb, much like what I say when I'm awake.
"I do not see one from here. Then again, I don't have glasses on. Over."
"Wonder? Wonder? I thought wind never won websites!"
"[Roommate's name], you can use my water bottle to get some water if you want."
And finally, a real conversation this week:
Me: "Do you think induction nights are for young people?"
Roommate: "What?"
Me: "I think [friend's name] is planning for something."
Roommate: "What?"
Me: "Dammit why am I talking to you about this?"
Roommate: "It's ok because I'm cool."
Me: "That's true."
So the conclusions we can draw from this:
Sorry, I know this is starting to get extremely long, but I have one special request for those of you who have gotten this far. Tuesday is my birthday. I'm not asking for presents, but ideas. I'm going to be pretty close to the court at the St. John's game and would like to make a sign including some of the following:
I'm going to get the basketball out of the way while it's fresh in my mind. Providence invoked the "Nobody Misses 35-foot 3-Pointers Against Syracuse" Rule repeatedly in the first half. Those guys really could not miss. However, Syracuse kind of couldn't either. Despite them making 10 3's in the first half from a combined distance of about 3 miles away, we were only down 5 at the half. Providence would've been beating the Boston Celtics the way they were playing. Scary good. Come the second half, though, things changed. After they made one more shot from out of state. Wait, they played in Rhode Island, so the entire state is contained in the halfcourt of the Providence basketball arena. Haha because Rhode Island is wicked small, right? Whatever, the point is that Cuse went on a couple of gigundo runs to take control. Rick Jackson was doing this (with his eyes closed, mind you):
And Andy Rautins was doing this (admittedly this wasn't a picture from tonight's game but you get the picture ;) ):
And Jim Boeheim was doing this:
I would like to take a moment to point out a certain pensive young gentleman dressed all in orange in the background who had a workman-like 7 point, 8 rebound night. Just sayin'. I used these pictures because they describe things so much better than I can. And since a picture says a thousand words, this is by far my longest blog. Thanks for sticking around despite my long windedness.Because, speaking of that young man in the above picture, he was involved in another contest of athleticism on Thursday. Against those guys we really don't like too much. Whose mascot is a made up word. Or, after checking dictionary.com, it may be a word after all. Check this out.
hoy·a
–noun
any shrubby climbing plant of the genus Hoya, of the milkweed family, esp. the wax plant, H. carnosa, a pot plant with waxy white flowers.
On a slightly less sports-like note, there has finally been someone who sees the glass as half-full. This awful period for the economy has been but one positive opinion away from being just "A break from that whole 'making money' nonsense." Well, finally somebody sees the light. In this man's eyes, the stock market is just resting. The housing market is planning its homecoming parade. Unemployment is the best thing that could happen to a person. Who is this mystery man? The chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, surely. If not that, a leading economist with the government's ear must be making these claims. Guess again. The savior of public opinion, the master of all things economic, is football coach Andy Reid. Upon releasing running back Brian Westbrook, he said the following:
"We're giving him the opportunity...to maximize his ability to go and get another job."
Just think about that for a second. Done? Ok. This is hands down one of the stupidest things that I have ever heard in my entire life. So Andy is doing Westbrook this huge favor. Westbrook really really wanted to get a job in addition to the whole starting for the Philadelphia Eagles thing, and now thanks to the Eagles he won't have so many pesky practices and games in the way when trying to work out his new work schedule at the 7-11. Couldn't have done it without you Andy Reid!
For those of you who know me, prepare to get to know me better. For those of you who don't, prepare to get weirded out. So I have some unfortunate habits when I sleep. You name it, I do it. In the past I have sleepwalked, snored up something fierce, ground my teeth, drooled enough saliva to float a battleship, slept with my eyes open, and, most frequently, sleeptalked. I have had conversations with my brother when he comes into the room after I have fallen asleep. I refer to actual events that will take place in ways that make absolutely no sense. Here is the one pre-college quote I can recall.
"Me and [my brother] are working together so all you people on the right better watch out!"
This was the day before my first day on the job at a snack bar with my brother. Now that I'm at college, I have an awesome roommate who seems to never ever go to sleep. So he has taken it upon himself to record my sleeptalks. Not counting all of the times he has either forgotten what I said or misplaced his post-it notes, I have a line of 7 notes of mini-conversations I have had while asleep or pretty much 99% unconscious. I'll just give some highlights, a lot of them are pretty dumb, much like what I say when I'm awake.
"I do not see one from here. Then again, I don't have glasses on. Over."
"Wonder? Wonder? I thought wind never won websites!"
"[Roommate's name], you can use my water bottle to get some water if you want."
And finally, a real conversation this week:
Me: "Do you think induction nights are for young people?"
Roommate: "What?"
Me: "I think [friend's name] is planning for something."
Roommate: "What?"
Me: "Dammit why am I talking to you about this?"
Roommate: "It's ok because I'm cool."
Me: "That's true."
So the conclusions we can draw from this:
- I have impeccable grammar
- I have a flair for alliteration
- I am extremely generous
- I am paranoid
Sorry, I know this is starting to get extremely long, but I have one special request for those of you who have gotten this far. Tuesday is my birthday. I'm not asking for presents, but ideas. I'm going to be pretty close to the court at the St. John's game and would like to make a sign including some of the following:
- It's my birthday (3/2)
- Kris Joseph and his number (32)
- Throw me a shoe
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Swarmed Under
I'm going to be up front with you. This post...is going to suck. It'll probably be the worst piece of writing I have ever had the misfortune of bringing forth to wreak its havoc on the good earth. As a matter of fact, it already is. But don't let that stop you from reading it!
This is going to have to be quick. It's writing this blog or getting enough sleep, and it's obvious which one I'm picking. So if I'm cranky tomorrow (today), then cut me some slack. The reason why this is such a godawful post (besides the fact that I keep planting the idea in your head) is that I just had my first experience of the harbinger of everlasting torture and boredom that is my Econ homework. I worked on it for about an hour. I got part a done pretty quickly...only 10 minutes or so. Then I spent the next 50 minutes putting numbers for 31 observations into a spreadsheet. I'm talking literally a spreadsheet. Like, a piece of looseleaf paper that I had spread out on my desk. No Excel allowed for this assignment. And, as an added bonus, all of the numbers (calculated with the dinkiest four function calculator you'd ever seen) must be carried out to 4 decimal places. So, now, long story short, I'm almost done with part b. Only 5 more parts to go. Due Friday. At noon. And I'm at work from 9-12:30. So I need to hand it in beforehand. In the snow. Barefoot. Uphill both ways. Broken glass everywhere. Subzero temperatures. Passing bears attempting to maul me at every turn. It's gonna be fun, I'm looking forward to it.
Now to some quick Cuse basketball updates. It was a tale of two Kris Josephs this past week. Kind of. Kris played pretty poorly for the first 35 minutes of last Wednesday's UConn game. Missed a ton of shots. Turned the ball over a few times. Played lackadaisical defense. Hoooowever, the last 5 minutes featured Kris as a lockdown defender and as a rebounding machine. And, as a bonus, with the game on the line, he made 4 straight free throws in the last 30 seconds to seal the deal. Cuse wins, UConn doesn't. Just the way things should be.
Fast forward to Cuse Louisville. Nobody goes for Cuse on offense. We couldn't have score a basket if it were the size of the referee that everyone wanted so badly to punch. Kris missed layup after layup, but for some reason was a flawless 2-for-2 with his jumpshots. I had no idea what was happening. But, we lost. No offense+no rebounding+intentional fouls = 30,000 very disappointed Cuse fans.
I apologize for the brevity of this post. And its lack of content. And humor. And pretty much everything I try to get out of this blog for you guys. So bear with me, when I don't have the worst homework assignment in the world to do, I'll do better. Next week maybe? (fingers crossed)
This is going to have to be quick. It's writing this blog or getting enough sleep, and it's obvious which one I'm picking. So if I'm cranky tomorrow (today), then cut me some slack. The reason why this is such a godawful post (besides the fact that I keep planting the idea in your head) is that I just had my first experience of the harbinger of everlasting torture and boredom that is my Econ homework. I worked on it for about an hour. I got part a done pretty quickly...only 10 minutes or so. Then I spent the next 50 minutes putting numbers for 31 observations into a spreadsheet. I'm talking literally a spreadsheet. Like, a piece of looseleaf paper that I had spread out on my desk. No Excel allowed for this assignment. And, as an added bonus, all of the numbers (calculated with the dinkiest four function calculator you'd ever seen) must be carried out to 4 decimal places. So, now, long story short, I'm almost done with part b. Only 5 more parts to go. Due Friday. At noon. And I'm at work from 9-12:30. So I need to hand it in beforehand. In the snow. Barefoot. Uphill both ways. Broken glass everywhere. Subzero temperatures. Passing bears attempting to maul me at every turn. It's gonna be fun, I'm looking forward to it.
Now to some quick Cuse basketball updates. It was a tale of two Kris Josephs this past week. Kind of. Kris played pretty poorly for the first 35 minutes of last Wednesday's UConn game. Missed a ton of shots. Turned the ball over a few times. Played lackadaisical defense. Hoooowever, the last 5 minutes featured Kris as a lockdown defender and as a rebounding machine. And, as a bonus, with the game on the line, he made 4 straight free throws in the last 30 seconds to seal the deal. Cuse wins, UConn doesn't. Just the way things should be.
Fast forward to Cuse Louisville. Nobody goes for Cuse on offense. We couldn't have score a basket if it were the size of the referee that everyone wanted so badly to punch. Kris missed layup after layup, but for some reason was a flawless 2-for-2 with his jumpshots. I had no idea what was happening. But, we lost. No offense+no rebounding+intentional fouls = 30,000 very disappointed Cuse fans.
I apologize for the brevity of this post. And its lack of content. And humor. And pretty much everything I try to get out of this blog for you guys. So bear with me, when I don't have the worst homework assignment in the world to do, I'll do better. Next week maybe? (fingers crossed)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Best. Day. Ever. (And More!)
So it seems like forever since I posted last. I guess it's only been a week. It feels this way because literally the day after I wrote on Tuesday, I had the Best. Day. Ever. For those of you who saw my Facebook status and spent the entire week dying to find out what transpired during those amazing 24 hours, I apologize. I am a victim of my circumstances and the fact that each week has only 7 days. I'm sorry, if I could change that, I would, but in case you hadn't noticed, I didn't invent the calendar.
So here it is. The rundown of the four things that Perfect Storm-ed my last Wednesday into my Best. Day. Ever. Don't knock them if they don't seem like good reasons. Because they are. So deal with it. Apologies to those who I already bothered with this narrative in person.
1. It was chicken nugget day.
This may look like something a second grader would write down, but seriously, chicken nuggets are amazing no matter where they are made. And this includes school dining halls. What's more, the Syracuse University Food Services conspired against me this semester. What is by far my busiest and most stressful semester had been thus far bereft of the sublime goodness that is chicken nuggets. But, what do you know, the first time I got them was last Wednesday. And I chowed down, don't you worry.
2. I [obtained] a bottle of ketchup.
Everyone knows chicken nuggets are only as good as the ketchup they are drenched in. Well, the new Ernie Davis dining hall is a little bit lackluster in the ketchup department. Meaning- only about 25% of tables usually have bottles of ketchup on them and most are about 10% full. For all you math majors out there, that's 2.5% of the full capacity of Ernie Davis ketchup dispensers. Well, not true on this, the Best. Day. Ever. Every table, as far as the eye can see, had been blessed with the presence of a full bottle of ketchup. Score.
3. Subway for dinner (the company wasn't bad either)
Everyone's gotta love Subway. $5 for a wicked awesome foot long sub. Delicious bread, delectable ingredients, that intoxicating aroma you can smell from blocks away. It wasn't on par with chicken nuggets, but it was a good second act. And, to make matters even more awesome, I got to chill with 3 of my bestest friends!
4. You'll never guess who I saw...again!
That's right. Kris Joseph. Funny how these things work out. I'm running late for class, can't cross the street because an endless conga-line of cars is going past, seems like things aren't going my way. Well, who should walk by (surrounded by the ladies and talking on his cell phone) but my man KJ 3-2. I know that I can't blow this, my second opportunity to talk to Kris, so I think of something to say and I think of it right quick. Here's the sterling dialogue I shared with Kris "TGBPWHEOWEL" Joseph (you may see some parallels between this conversation and the one I entered into with Rick Jackson).
Me- "You da man, Kris!"
Kris- "Thanks man."
Yep, pretty sure every basketball player has been prepped by Jim Boeheim to say "Thanks man" to any crazy fan who talks to them on campus. What a moment, what a moment. Best. Day. Ever.
I'm looking at the title now and am just realizing that I promised And More! in addition to Best. Day. Ever. Well, I could talk about the Super Bowl, but that's old news. And the commercials were sub-par to boot. This is how Super Bowl commercials should be:
Those were the days. Hidden on that day of that marginally important football game was a Syracuse basketball game. Long story short, the headline on ESPN.com was
So here it is. The rundown of the four things that Perfect Storm-ed my last Wednesday into my Best. Day. Ever. Don't knock them if they don't seem like good reasons. Because they are. So deal with it. Apologies to those who I already bothered with this narrative in person.
1. It was chicken nugget day.
This may look like something a second grader would write down, but seriously, chicken nuggets are amazing no matter where they are made. And this includes school dining halls. What's more, the Syracuse University Food Services conspired against me this semester. What is by far my busiest and most stressful semester had been thus far bereft of the sublime goodness that is chicken nuggets. But, what do you know, the first time I got them was last Wednesday. And I chowed down, don't you worry.
2. I [obtained] a bottle of ketchup.
Everyone knows chicken nuggets are only as good as the ketchup they are drenched in. Well, the new Ernie Davis dining hall is a little bit lackluster in the ketchup department. Meaning- only about 25% of tables usually have bottles of ketchup on them and most are about 10% full. For all you math majors out there, that's 2.5% of the full capacity of Ernie Davis ketchup dispensers. Well, not true on this, the Best. Day. Ever. Every table, as far as the eye can see, had been blessed with the presence of a full bottle of ketchup. Score.
3. Subway for dinner (the company wasn't bad either)
Everyone's gotta love Subway. $5 for a wicked awesome foot long sub. Delicious bread, delectable ingredients, that intoxicating aroma you can smell from blocks away. It wasn't on par with chicken nuggets, but it was a good second act. And, to make matters even more awesome, I got to chill with 3 of my bestest friends!
4. You'll never guess who I saw...again!
That's right. Kris Joseph. Funny how these things work out. I'm running late for class, can't cross the street because an endless conga-line of cars is going past, seems like things aren't going my way. Well, who should walk by (surrounded by the ladies and talking on his cell phone) but my man KJ 3-2. I know that I can't blow this, my second opportunity to talk to Kris, so I think of something to say and I think of it right quick. Here's the sterling dialogue I shared with Kris "TGBPWHEOWEL" Joseph (you may see some parallels between this conversation and the one I entered into with Rick Jackson).
Me- "You da man, Kris!"
Kris- "Thanks man."
Yep, pretty sure every basketball player has been prepped by Jim Boeheim to say "Thanks man" to any crazy fan who talks to them on campus. What a moment, what a moment. Best. Day. Ever.
I'm looking at the title now and am just realizing that I promised And More! in addition to Best. Day. Ever. Well, I could talk about the Super Bowl, but that's old news. And the commercials were sub-par to boot. This is how Super Bowl commercials should be:
Those were the days. Hidden on that day of that marginally important football game was a Syracuse basketball game. Long story short, the headline on ESPN.com was
"Joseph's 3s spark Cuse's rally for 10th straight"
I love the way that looks. Well I suppose that's enough for now, I'm already 14 minutes overdue on posting (gasp!). I know I'm never late with these things, my b my b.Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Kronicles of Kris Joseph
Hey everybody, it's the greatest rodent themed holiday around, Groundhog Day!
Hey everybody, it's the greatest rodent themed holiday around, Groundhog Day!
Hey everybody, it's the greatest rodent themed holiday around, Groundhog Day!
Haha get it? Come on, I had to make one joke because the movie is legen-wait for it...-DARY! Little known fact, Neil Patrick Harris makes a short lived cameo the first time Gobbler's Knob is shown in the movie Groundhog Day. (Is that true Tim?) No, of course not. But it sounds like it could totally be true, doesn't it? Ok I'm done with all that. We'll start with basketball and see where we go from there.
Saturday's game. We're coming off arguably our biggest win of the year, a thrashing of biggest rival Georgetown after going down 14-0 early. We head out to Chicago to play the 15th best team in the Big East, DePaul (who knew that DePaul played in Chicago?) Cuse is set for a huge win. I predicted 100 points and a 20 point game for my man Kris Joseph. Well, we got 59. And Kris had a gentleman's 15 points. Not quite how I imagined it playing out. Once again, Syracuse fell victim to the law of nature that every three taken by a Syracuse opponent goes in. I know it's like a broken record, but it keeps happening. DePaul did it, G-Town did it, Marquette did it, whoever we played before them probably did it too, I can't even remember. But, despite going down 33-15, Syracuse didn't give up. 16 points later, the score was 33-31. 35-31 at the half.
I'm going to take a break now and tell a little story of a young man. A young man named Tim and how his chance encounter could change the future of the Syracuse men's basketball program. He works in an office in the business school at Syracuse. One day, he is bringing something into his colleague's office (a colleague who makes about 50 times more than he does, but that's beside the point). As he passes the reception area, who would he see but a young gentleman who is fairly tall. Little bit of a beard on the chin. Sweat pants with the number 32 on them. Here's what's going through Tim's head at this time:
HOLY F---ING S--T, IT'S F---ING KRIS JOSEPH! (my apologies for Tim's mind's profanity).
His thoughts being as they were, nothing fit to say out loud came into his head. So, Tim ducked into his coworker's office to gather himself and to prevent a major meltdown in front of his bosses. Alas, by the time he collected himself, our hero was dismayed to realize that Kris had already left after signing a basketball poster hanging on the office wall. However, Tim had an inkling that Kris could see in his eyes that he was his #1 fan. Having finally met (but not really) his #1 fan, Kris went on his way with no more uncertainty of his popularity among Cuse students.
Back to the DePaul game. Second half. Cuse again starts to fall behind, this time by 9. They are on the brink, teetering on the edge of a cataclysmic (awesome word) loss that could disrupt their momentum and send the whole season spiraling out of control. Someone needed to step up. Someone needed to make a play. Someone did. Andy Rautins gets the ball near the top of the key, drawing two defenders. He quickly finds the open man. It's Kris Joseph! In rhythm, he steps into a 3-pointer and lets loose. In my eyes, the ball hangs in the air for an eternity. And an eternity more. It drops...through the hoop! Three points! Kris made his first three since playing North Carolina on November 20. All of a sudden, Cuse couldn't miss. Andy makes a 3, Scoop makes a three, Wes throws down a statement jam. Cuse goes on to win. All. Because. Of Kris.
Fast forward. Tonight's game. I wasn't looking forward to it, as it wasn't going to be a fun blowout or an exciting rivalry game. It's a mid-week night game against a mediocre opponent, nothing to write home about. Tim was wrong again. Sure the game could've been more exciting, Cuse ended up winning by 17. But there was plenty to yell and scream about. I was dancing in my seat. And I'll tell you why. Kris Joseph brought Groundhog Day to the Carrier Dome. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He threw down a two handed jam. He threw down a two handed jam. In between, to my delight, he made a jump shot. He got an alley-oop and put it away with authority. The only thing he didn't do was make another three, as his attempt went in and out. All told, he had a career high 23 points and the world's biggest smile on his face. Ok, second biggest. The biggest was on a giant head Kris Joseph poster in the crowd (now the background on my phone in case you wanted to see it). Best. Game. Ever.
I really apologize to those who don't like sports all that much. I've really neglected you as of late. But as you can see, Kris Joseph should be and is the main focus of this post. He's mah boy! But oh, ok let's talk about something else for a sec. Let's talk about the iPad. So it's like this computer thingy that's good for media type stuff. And you can use your hands. So it's a cross between a VCR and a chicken wing? Well, let's say this right now. It is an incredible piece of technology. It's going to revolutionize the entire market. It's going to do for the tablet computer market what the iPod did for the music industry. All of that is a given. So, instead of all of this trivial drivel, people are talking about what's really important: how the name sounds like a feminine product. Come on, don't you think that's the real issue here? Seriously, on YouTube when you type in iPad, the search suggestions are as follows:
Top suggestion: iPad madtv
Second suggestion: iPad apple
More people are looking for the iPad comedy sketch done by Mad TV a couple years ago than for actual information on the iPad computer. Wow. Are you serious, America?
It's ok, though, even if the country is going in an inescapable downward spiral into a cultural black hole, Kris Joseph is playing the best basketball of his young career. So all is right with the world (besides that whole spiral thing that I mentioned a moment ago).
Hey everybody, it's the greatest rodent themed holiday around, Groundhog Day!
Hey everybody, it's the greatest rodent themed holiday around, Groundhog Day!
Haha get it? Come on, I had to make one joke because the movie is legen-wait for it...-DARY! Little known fact, Neil Patrick Harris makes a short lived cameo the first time Gobbler's Knob is shown in the movie Groundhog Day. (Is that true Tim?) No, of course not. But it sounds like it could totally be true, doesn't it? Ok I'm done with all that. We'll start with basketball and see where we go from there.
Saturday's game. We're coming off arguably our biggest win of the year, a thrashing of biggest rival Georgetown after going down 14-0 early. We head out to Chicago to play the 15th best team in the Big East, DePaul (who knew that DePaul played in Chicago?) Cuse is set for a huge win. I predicted 100 points and a 20 point game for my man Kris Joseph. Well, we got 59. And Kris had a gentleman's 15 points. Not quite how I imagined it playing out. Once again, Syracuse fell victim to the law of nature that every three taken by a Syracuse opponent goes in. I know it's like a broken record, but it keeps happening. DePaul did it, G-Town did it, Marquette did it, whoever we played before them probably did it too, I can't even remember. But, despite going down 33-15, Syracuse didn't give up. 16 points later, the score was 33-31. 35-31 at the half.
I'm going to take a break now and tell a little story of a young man. A young man named Tim and how his chance encounter could change the future of the Syracuse men's basketball program. He works in an office in the business school at Syracuse. One day, he is bringing something into his colleague's office (a colleague who makes about 50 times more than he does, but that's beside the point). As he passes the reception area, who would he see but a young gentleman who is fairly tall. Little bit of a beard on the chin. Sweat pants with the number 32 on them. Here's what's going through Tim's head at this time:
HOLY F---ING S--T, IT'S F---ING KRIS JOSEPH! (my apologies for Tim's mind's profanity).
His thoughts being as they were, nothing fit to say out loud came into his head. So, Tim ducked into his coworker's office to gather himself and to prevent a major meltdown in front of his bosses. Alas, by the time he collected himself, our hero was dismayed to realize that Kris had already left after signing a basketball poster hanging on the office wall. However, Tim had an inkling that Kris could see in his eyes that he was his #1 fan. Having finally met (but not really) his #1 fan, Kris went on his way with no more uncertainty of his popularity among Cuse students.
Back to the DePaul game. Second half. Cuse again starts to fall behind, this time by 9. They are on the brink, teetering on the edge of a cataclysmic (awesome word) loss that could disrupt their momentum and send the whole season spiraling out of control. Someone needed to step up. Someone needed to make a play. Someone did. Andy Rautins gets the ball near the top of the key, drawing two defenders. He quickly finds the open man. It's Kris Joseph! In rhythm, he steps into a 3-pointer and lets loose. In my eyes, the ball hangs in the air for an eternity. And an eternity more. It drops...through the hoop! Three points! Kris made his first three since playing North Carolina on November 20. All of a sudden, Cuse couldn't miss. Andy makes a 3, Scoop makes a three, Wes throws down a statement jam. Cuse goes on to win. All. Because. Of Kris.
Fast forward. Tonight's game. I wasn't looking forward to it, as it wasn't going to be a fun blowout or an exciting rivalry game. It's a mid-week night game against a mediocre opponent, nothing to write home about. Tim was wrong again. Sure the game could've been more exciting, Cuse ended up winning by 17. But there was plenty to yell and scream about. I was dancing in my seat. And I'll tell you why. Kris Joseph brought Groundhog Day to the Carrier Dome. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He got fouled on a layup and made it anyway. He threw down a two handed jam. He threw down a two handed jam. In between, to my delight, he made a jump shot. He got an alley-oop and put it away with authority. The only thing he didn't do was make another three, as his attempt went in and out. All told, he had a career high 23 points and the world's biggest smile on his face. Ok, second biggest. The biggest was on a giant head Kris Joseph poster in the crowd (now the background on my phone in case you wanted to see it). Best. Game. Ever.
I really apologize to those who don't like sports all that much. I've really neglected you as of late. But as you can see, Kris Joseph should be and is the main focus of this post. He's mah boy! But oh, ok let's talk about something else for a sec. Let's talk about the iPad. So it's like this computer thingy that's good for media type stuff. And you can use your hands. So it's a cross between a VCR and a chicken wing? Well, let's say this right now. It is an incredible piece of technology. It's going to revolutionize the entire market. It's going to do for the tablet computer market what the iPod did for the music industry. All of that is a given. So, instead of all of this trivial drivel, people are talking about what's really important: how the name sounds like a feminine product. Come on, don't you think that's the real issue here? Seriously, on YouTube when you type in iPad, the search suggestions are as follows:
Top suggestion: iPad madtv
Second suggestion: iPad apple
More people are looking for the iPad comedy sketch done by Mad TV a couple years ago than for actual information on the iPad computer. Wow. Are you serious, America?
It's ok, though, even if the country is going in an inescapable downward spiral into a cultural black hole, Kris Joseph is playing the best basketball of his young career. So all is right with the world (besides that whole spiral thing that I mentioned a moment ago).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
