This week's blog is not going to be nearly as cohesive as my last two were. Both of them had some kind of theme that tied them together, but this one is just a bunch of random stuff that happened to me/I thought about over the weekend. Come to think of it, I was wrong just then. This will be exactly like the other posts. The only central theme this blog needs is myself and my awesomeness, which is not in short supply if I do say so myself.

However, all of you were almost spared the ordeal of having to read this yet again as I was almost jailed last Thursday. Ok not jailed, I was interrogated as a suspect in a slingshot incident based on the fact that both the perpetrator and I had orange sweatshirts on. At Syracuse. What are the chances? 1 in 2? 1 in 1 and a half? So the cops had pretty long odds on finding the actual wrongdoer but proceeded to talk to everyone on the top 4 floors of Booth who were wearing orange sweatshirts. Gotta admire determination like that. Still being able to do the good cop/THIS IS PROBABLE CAUSE!!! cop bit after interrogating 48 people in the space of an hour and a half. I can't decide whether this gives me confidence in the Syracuse police force or if I should be scared that they're looking for someone who "almost hit someone with a slingshot" when there are two guys robbing every college student in sight at knife/gunpoint. We'll call it an impasse.

Thinking about lawbreaking and justice and whatnot, a piece of an article I read last week comes to mind. It referred to the whole Jay Cutler-Josh McDaniels saga in Denver as McJay Gate. The name was jaw-droppingly stupid. I think enough is enough. There should be a law against using the word gate in the title of a scandal. It is so widespread that it is not even funny. Search suggestions when I typed in "gate scandal" on Yahoo (note: Watergate was the number 2 suggestion, just infuriating me more):

• Gloria-Gate scandal-something to do with the president of the Philippines and expatriates of said country in the Middle East
• Spy-Gate scandal-Bill Belichick stole defensive signs in football games from opposing coaches
• Diploma-Gate-Iran's newly appointed Interior Minister was accused of having a forged doctoral degree
• Monica-Gate-Bill Clinton is accused of having sex with an intern
• China-Gate-Bill Clinton is accused of accepting large amounts of campaign contributions from the Chinese People's Liberation Army, which has strong Communist ties

The list goes on from there. Now let's look at where "gate" came from. The root is of course Watergate. Look at it. It's the second half of the name of a complex of buildings. It's not capitalized, it's not even hyphenated. I'll tell you what it is. It's an excuse to not be creative and to have a name for the headlines as soon as possible. Whatever happened to the pun? Bill Belichick spying on people...call it the Patriot Act or something. Just don't keep slapping gate on the end of every fricking thing that goes wrong ever. Oh no, I just got a B on my math test. Exam-Gate! Give me a break.

Speaking of things that go horribly wrong, Syracuse faced South Florida in football this weekend. Tssss, burn! I have never seen 5 turnovers in 4 minutes of football. Never has my team made me cry and scream myself hoarse so many times in so short a time. At least we stayed competitive in the first half because of that. USF played down to our level, which was so low that it was past subterranean. It was somewhere in outerspace below the other side of the planet. They didn't run a play where they didn't turn the ball over until their third drive. But, when they started not giving us the ball, they scored fairly quickly and easily. Why couldn't our offense respond? I'll tell you.

Because Greg "Eskimo" Paulus sucks! I've gone through this all year. He had one good game against Northwestern, according to the stats. But anyone who has watched this guy can tell that he is not cut out to be a college quarterback. He was a point guard- doesn't that mean he should know when not to throw and when not to get sacked? He doesn't run well at all, despite his quickness. He doesn't find holes, isn't decisive on when he's going to take off, and his running style looks like someone told him he dropped a $100 bill on the ground. Either that or he's trying to sniff out a trail to the endzone. Sorry Greg, the only trail on the field is the 5 yard long crater that was formed when your body was driven into the ground by the four 300 pound defensive lineman who were chasing you. Wow, I didn't think it was possible but I spent an entire paragraph bashing Greg "Is That USF Guy One of My Receivers" Paulus without once mentioning the fact that he threw 5 interceptions.

The bright spot of the game (yes there was only one) was a certain receiver named...well you probably know who he is already because he's the only guy who got the ball all game for Syracuse-Da'Mon Merkerson. No, I'm just kidding, it was Mike Williams. 13 catches, 186 yards, 2 touchdowns. Not only was he the only Orange player not named Ryan "Ulrich von" Liechtenstein to score, he was the only Orange player with more than 53 yards from scrimmage (rushing and receiving). He dominated so much that I was in disbelief that the Bulls wouldn't just undecuple cover him. For you non-Latin speakers, that means put all 11 defenders on him. Even so, Williams has his defects. How can one receiver do so much damage yet be so inconsistent? He's getting over 100 yards and 1 touchdown per game but he can't seem to catch the short ball. Oh well, Koren Robinson and Darrell Jackson made good livings in the NFL dropping most of the balls that came their way. Even if catching a football is what they are paid millions of dollars to do. Is the only thing they have to do. That's like...a chef giving someone salmonella half the time. I mean, that's ok, because if it was baseball, 50% of the time is unbelievably amazing.

I should get going soon, the Twins are playing and without me to root them on they aren't doing so well. That's right, 1 miraculous comeback later and the never say die Twins are in the running for the playoffs. Don't laugh at me if they lose after I write this, I'm just happy they've done so well so far. That means you, Yankees fans. Just because you guys clinched a playoff spot like 5 games into the season doesn't mean you're better than us. Ok, maybe it does, but we try harder.

End note: My Broncos are 4-0. Where have all the critics gone? Oh wait, they're still here, saying we're like the worst 4-0 team ever. Well, that's still a lot better than the Super Bowl defending champions (Steelers, 2-2) and the runner up (Cardinals, 1-2) and the team with the best record in the league last year (Titans, 0-4). So until we lose, shut up basically every football journalist ever.