Hey guys, nice to see you again! But not really, because if I could see you through this website that would be kind of creepy. So, in the interest of privacy rights that will probably go away in the future, nice to not see you! This week has been pretty eventful sportswise, but I'll try to keep you non-sports addicts entertained.

I'm going to start with the obvious topic on everyone's mind- Syracuse football. I know what you're thinking- "Tim, you talk about that every single week. And there wasn't even a game on Saturday!" Well you may be right. However, the Syracuse football team has delivered a blow that I'm not sure I will be able to recover from. I nearly slipped into a hysterical coma when I saw that Greg Paulus will in fact be starting on Saturday against Akron. After the initial few seconds of fighting off a stroke and a heart attack simultaneously, I had to restrain myself from picking up the nearest heavy object and hurling it at the TV from whence the dreadful news had come (and a good thing I managed to stop myself, the nearest TV smashing object was a person).

I have come to a conclusion about Greg Paulus. He is a T3000 Terminator, sent from the future to destroy the Syracuse football program. Here's my future theory. It's the year 2050. The Syracuse Orange, under the direction of mastermind Doug Marrone, have won the past 35 BCS Championship games. College football has arrived at a crossroads. High school players only want to go to Cuse, and consequentially people can no longer go to watch Syracuse games at the Dome, the reason being that all the seats are taken up by the football team whose roster is now at 55,000 players. This leaves all other major college football programs to recruit from overseas, ending up with mostly confused soccer players who didn't see the "American" part of "American football"on the application, as well as beings from the alien races humans contacted in the late 2020's. By the way, the aliens look like this.

The scientists at Duke University create one last ditch effort to bring Syracuse back to its losing ways. The product of their manufacture is Greg Paulus. At first, selfishness caused Duke to program him to play basketball to help out their team before destroying the Orange. However, Duke's scientists didn't really succeed in this endeavour, the evidence being Paulus's performance for Duke basketball. While being good at basketball may not be Duke's specialty, turning out the worst football players ever is. Duke created the perfect weapon to decimate Syracuse football. He may look like an idiot, but don't be fooled. He has a large arsenal of weapons to make a football team suck. He has his arm that turns into an interception launcher, his legs which churn and churn but never seem to move him away from opposing tacklers, and his hands which are genetically and technologically enhanced to fumble the football with deadly efficiency. Additionally, he seems to have been implanted with some sort of mind control device, rendering Doug Marrone incapable of keeping him from playing. I know what you're thinking now. "Tim, you just blew my mind. That is the only logical explanation for what's been going on." Yes, and all I have to say is: bravo future Duke scientists. Bravo.

That's enough of that. I'm scaring myself with these all too realistic depictions of the future. Let's move on to a lighter subject. So I just saw this and smiled: Bill Cosby is releasing a hip-hop album. Nope, no typo. The lovable Mr. Huxtable is now a rapper. I am absolutely speechless. What...why...no coherent thoughts come to mind. If you're curious, you can download one of his songs for free here. I think it's about time to come up with a list of events I feel are on par with a disaster of such epic proportions (in no particular order).

• The Hindenberg
• William Shatner's album of dramatic readings- The Transformed Man
• The Detroit Lions 2008-2009 season
• The Cold War
• Greg Paulus

The list goes on, but my brain hurts from listening to Bill Cosby telling me that the world needs surgery as a truck horn blares in the background.

I have one more little thing thats been bothering me. Ok, two. But first things first. Why can't the NFL get a not awful system for playing overtime games. For those of you not familiar with it, the NFL uses a coin flip to decide who gets the ball first and then the first team to score wins, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Basketball, baseball, college football, golf, and even unicycle hockey have fair, exciting ways of settling tie scores at the end of regulation. Don't believe me about unicycle hockey? Read section 5.1 and weep! But, the NFL insists on sudden death in such a manner that one team may not even get to touch the ball! The fate of the game hangs on one flip of the coin. What if a Super Bowl goes to overtime and the team that gets the ball first scores? That hardly seems fair that chance decided the most important sporting event in the world. Imagine a coin flip deciding the following events and you'll know where I'm coming from (Yay another list!).

• World Wars I and II
• The presidential election
• Who we blame for 9/11
• Greg Paulus

I know the last one doesn't make sense, but I really don't like that guy. Seriously, chance sucks, especially when you're on the losing end. Just ask the Patriots who lost to the Broncos in overtime, never getting to touch the ball. That's right, the system benefited the Broncos and I'm arguing against it.

Speaking of which, Tim's team update! Syracuse football- somehow managed not to lose a game in a week in which they did not play. Minnesota Twins- out of the playoffs for the last month or so...it's hard to keep track of time when you don't care about baseball until next season. Denver Broncos- 6-0 baby! Put the hurt on the San Diego Chargers and Phillip Rivers, their QB, who I dislike nearly as much as Greg Paulus. Oh well, that's all for now. Keep on keeping on, and support Ryan "McNabb" Nassib, the true Syracuse quarterback!