A Concise Summary of the Plight of Man and His Ongoing Struggle With Identity

Proof that hackers have to man the hell up and get better viruses (see below)

I owe some mentions in this post so I guess I'll just get them out of the way right now before they get bored and stop reading or something, then yell at me for not mentioning them in the first sentence. Shoot, there goes the first sentence, guess they'll have to settle for the third. I am obligated, this is wrenching my soul to write this right now I might add, to give a shoutout to a certain RA of mine last year who happens to like a certain football team that may have put an embarrassing beatdown on my beloved Broncos. On a more pleasant note, thanks everybody who commented on the blog! I love feedback. Looking back though, this wasn't the first time I got commented...on my first post someone who goes by "L" put some positive feedback up there. No idea who they are, but your comment means the world to me!

Enough with the fun, happy stuff. Let's get to possibly the most horrible, depressing story that I can possibly think of: the tragedy of Arthur Jones. I'm going to go ahead and give some background here, so if you already know how this one ends, don't spoil it for everyone else. Bear in mind that Arthur Jones is awesome. Arthur Jones is a Syracuse football player who definitely could have gotten into the NFL and made at least $1 million this year. The last pick in the second round (TE Richard Quinn drafted by my Broncos) this year is making $930,000 for a signing bonus plus a $310,000 salary. So conservatively speaking, Arthur would've made a lot of money, or as the kids these days are calling it, "mad bank yo." In a mock draft for next year, Arthur is slated to get picked 18th overall (again by my Broncos). But miraculously, somehow, after winning only 9 games in three years, Arthur decides, "Hey, I could waste another year of my career at Syracuse."

So he comes back, mainly to play with his brother Chandler. I also suspect that he was curious about playing for a coach who doesn't suck (aka not Greg Robinson). We're pumped for the season, Arthur is going to be beastly, we have a shot at a bowl game. 9 games later, Syracuse needs to run the table to even be considered for a bowl game and Arthur gets a season ending knee injury. Arthur, you deserve better. Get well soon, play for the Broncos, and donate much money to the football program here.

I hope everyone is within reach of a box of tissues after that tearjerker. I'm shedding a few myself. I'll try to cheer everyone up with a story I read that is too absolutely ridiculous to be true. It must be. The iPhone recently got its first virus (I guess it must be flu season! No? I gave it a shot. A flu shot! Still no? Ok. I love using these parentheses...they feel like a secret conversation. Well that's enough of that.). This virus...get this...puts a picture of Rick Astley on your iPhone's wallpaper. That's right, this guy. They even have a term for it, I guess people do this a lot-"rickrolling." I think that hackers need to be more creative these days. Make my computer talk to me and refuse to do what I tell it like Hal in 2001. "Computer, open Microsoft Word." "I'm sorry Tim, I'm afraid I can't do that." If someone could do that to my computer, sure I'd get mad, but they'd sure have my respect.

I recently spent an evening learning some new dance moves via the wonderful human advancement that is YouTube. I know what you all are thinking. Tim, that's like Michelangelo taking a painting class. That's like Shakespeare going to Writing 105. That's like Albert Einstein auditing Intro to Physics. That's like...please, enough! I understand where you all are coming from, but even a master such as myself could use some new steps once in a while. For instance, I fine tuned my Soulja Boy (not a moment too soon, that dance is still popular, right?) after years of my brother yelling at me telling me I don't do it right. I also learned the Hustle, which is actually a lot of fun. I learned that the Thriller is going to take a lot more than a 2 minute clip to learn how to do it. And finally, I learned that everyone thinks they can do the moonwalk, but only like 2% of people are good at it. It's a work in progress in my case, I'll hopefully be rolling it out onto a dancefloor near you sometime soon.

I'm gonna end this one with an announcement. As you may know, I looooove frisbee. Now, I have an excellent surprise when I get home for Thanksgiving (but not really because I already know about it). Me and my beefy athletic college friends get to "play" against the high school club I once knew. I put play in quotes because it's not even a contest. Every team I play on for anything wins every time, 95% of the time. So if I come back to Cuse after Thanksgiving break even more full of myself than when I left, you'll know why.

Tim's teams-Broncos get shallacked, but not as badly as last week (faint glimmer of hope, perhaps?), Cuse football gets pummeled, Cuse basketball avenges their loss to Division 2 LeMoyne by beating up a bunch of unathletic white kids from UAlbany. Wait, I just checked, Cuse is 1-0 at basketball, so the loss to LeMoyne must have been a horrible nightmare. I must've caught some pot smoke by walking down any of the dorm hallways here. Until next time! Later.